… this stomach flu. It’s getting better now, but it’ll flare up every now and then, which is why I’ve been absent from the blogosphere. Of all the things I hate, it’s something going haywire with my tummy. I hate it. I really do. I’ll do fever. I’ll do tonsillitis. I’ll take a migraine that requires some serious trephening* to relieve the pain. Heck, I’ll even do some good old fashioned water boarding. But I can’t, won’t, will not do a tummy ache. The Flying Spaghetti Monsterknew what he was doing when he created me as a gay man. Here I am bellyaching (pun SO intended) about a simple stomach flu when millions of women go through labor everyday. So seriously, hats off to all the mommies out there, especially the Demi-mom, for going through twelvity-five billion hours of labor. What you women are able to withstand in the name of loving your children is nothing short of miraculous. Fuck men. (which brings me to my next item)
… the fact that one of my friends (*cough, sounds like ‘gallery’) hasn’t had sex in over a year. Yup, you read that right. A year. I go up the wall if I go 2 weeks without (did I mention I’m blogging this while hanging next to some art work I hung up a few weeks back?). I imagine by now there must be a cobwebs-bats-and-owls-going-HOOOOO situation down there. I mean, seriously, if you ain’t gonna use it, Gallery, you should at least give me free reign over your uterus. That’s just a crying shame of a waste.
…the fact that it’s Monday. I slept through Saturday night because I was so exhausted over the week, planning out the logistics of moving to my new 2-bedroom penthouse apartment on the 37th floor of MAHvelous Eastwood City. That, and running around with Bianca during the day, and just getting old, I guess. Do kids these days still go out to them “clubs”? *spits chewing tobacco into a spit can
*I tried doing a wikipedia search on trephening, and can you believe they don’t have an article on it? It’s an ancient treatment to illnesses of the mind. Essentially, a witch doctor uses a chisel and mallet to crack out a hole in your skull to let the bad spirits out. Go figure.