Mapplethorpe Has Nothing on Me

One of the things I love the most about traveling is the people.
One of the things I hate the most about traveling is the people.
Having nothing better to do on a Sunday morning, I decided to enjoy the cold front that I brought with me from Dallas to Houston. I parked myself at a corner [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Episode 165: Why Yes, It IS All About Me. Again.

So I haven’t blogged in a while. And I agonized about apologizing for it, but a super awesome kick-ass blogger once told me that the answer to life, the universe and everything was 42.
Or I might be mistaking my life for a Hollywood movie again, but whatevs. Life comes before blogging, so I’ll stop blogging [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Rusty

Every week like clockwork, I get my hair done. And by “done”, I mean every strand of hair that is not in its proper place is cut, shaved, plucked, hacked or sawed off my head. Like everything else in my paradoxical life, I am the hirsute Asian man.
This week as I was sitting on that [...]

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Conversations With (The Demi)God

 

 
 
Friday Afternoon: 
*ring ring
Stupid Lying Motherfucking Receptionist at Abe Restaurant (Serendra, The Fort): Good morning Abe Restaurant, how may I help you? 
(The Demi)God: Hi, I need to make a reservation for 6 people tonight at 7pm
Receptionist: Go ahead. 
(The Demi)God: Uhm… So… yeah, can I book a table for 6 people tonight at 7pm? 
Receptionist: Ok, you’ll be [...]

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Would You Rather Wednesday

So I’m over at Lilu today and I stumble upon Maxie who is a fracking riot and a half and she does this awesome bit (does that make her sound like a funny commedienne circa 1986?) called Would You Rather Wednesdays. 
(Sidebar, Lilu is also a fracking riot and two thirds and does this awesome bit [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Random Edition

To the inexplicably hot dude who pulled up next to me at the intersection: I am not some kind of sick perv masturbating to the red light. I was lip-synching the last line of Michael Bolton’s “Go The Distance” as I imagined the thundering applause of a packed Carnegie Hall. I know it must’ve looked [...]

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The Four Horsemen Wear Heels

It’s taking the contractors about a month to get my freaking internet connection up and running. I’ve discovered that being online is a lot like a crack addiction:

You go through a life-changing experience (which in my world, can be anything from the loss of a testicle to seeing a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon, to stepping [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Episode “25 Random Things”

I keep getting these from everyone on Facebook and the Blogosphere. So I may as well.

I feel naked when I step out of the house with no cologne. If I forget to douse myself in something sweet-smelling, I will either run back into the house or drive to a store to buy cologne before I [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Episode “Mistaken Identity”

Over lunch today, The Teddybear and I were discussing the end of the world.
As we are wont to do.
The Teddybear: I don’t think I want any vases or statues in our new home
Me: I could do with a 6-foot Eastern Zhou Dynasty vase, they’re so hard to find
The Teddybear: There’s one in that little pots-and-pans [...]

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I Can’t Get Over…

… this stomach flu. It’s getting better now, but it’ll flare up every now and then, which is why I’ve been absent from the blogosphere. Of all the things I hate, it’s something going haywire with my tummy. I hate it. I really do. I’ll do fever. I’ll do tonsillitis. I’ll take a migraine that [...]

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Getting Paid in Dildos

Among the many, many things that I can’t wrap my mind around (lesbian sex included*, I mean, what is that? I imagine a two-suction-cups scenario… with enough force, a vacuum is created… where was I…)
Oh yes, among the many, many things that I can’t wrap my mind around is foreign currency exchange. And my next [...]

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In Conclusion

Two A handful of people have asked me in the past why I named my blog “Burned, Broken, But Still Awesome”. 
With the year drawing to a close, now seems like a good time to answer. 
I haven’t exactly lived an easy life:

Taking a transatlantic flight in a box layered with pillows and blankets at 3 days [...]

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7 Weird Demigod Widgets

Over at Decoybetty and Yellaphant, there’s a 7 things meme and although I wasn’t tagged, I figure it’s good fodder for more strangeness in the Demiworld. Although why I bother is beyond me, considering there’s an entire category of dementia that describes my life.
In the spirit of the holidays, I figured I’d turn into a [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Episode 121

I may be a narcoleptic.
I have this uncanny ability to fall asleep no matter where I am, what position I’m in, and what I’m doing. I work this mortal body pretty hard, and it has to keep up, what with my soul being so old and all, it just wants to get the best out [...]

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Just Another Day in The DemiWorld

When a typical guy gets a knot the size of his back, he goes to his favorite barber to get a cut, a shave, and a massage using one of those machines that look like a vibrating anvil.
I guess. I wouldn’t know. Very few people would call me typical, and far fewer would call me [...]

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Five Questions

Two years ago Avitable found a 5-question meme and last week I joined in on the fun.
I know, I know, there’s a connection there somewhere but right now my eyes are still caked with sleep crust after a 14-hour “nap”. It was an exhausting week and a cosmic fight with The Teddybear (we’re fine, thanks [...]

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Five Things.

Boris. Try and imagine it without the infamous last name. Boris. SOOOO frickin funny. I’m totally fixating. BORIS. Oh, and totally check out Deidre’s game. It’s much fun.
One of my training proteges is blogging! HAYLAVETTE!
Vodkamom is irreverently reverentially funny. HAYLAVETTE!
This comeback is totally cocked, armed, and ready for deployment from my arsenal: Some-Random-Bitch: “WTF are [...]

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Camera Whore, Thy Name is The Demigod

Just found this. I know, I know, I’m ridiculously behind the times (and incredibly narcissistic, but I don’t really care. ). Don’t you just love www.photofunia.com? 

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My Big Debut

Remember how Carrie Bradshaw was asked by her boss to do a big editorial spread on the pages of Vogue?
Well this is exactly like that
in no way.

Carrie wore Vera Wang, I wore clean knickers
Carrie was professionally lit and photographed, I sent in my professional photos
Carrie was hesitant, I wasn’t

But this is SUCH a thrill! The [...]

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Fagri-La

On the way to work today: 
The Teddybear: (noting that stray cats had snuck up on our porch and deposited a malodorous pre-christmas gift) all cats should be named “Ursula”
The Demigod: why?
The Teddybear: Coz they’re all evil. 
The Demigod: *gets in car humming* These poor unfortunate souls…
– car pulls out of driveway in silence, clock on dashboard blinks [...]

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