Hurt

You all proudly call yourselves members of the Seventh-day Adventist Church in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. And I congratulate you on that distinction. As members of the church, you saw it fit to break a mother’s heart. I’m sure you had “good intentions”, hoping to show my mom my “sins”. But I question your “intentions” and [...]

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Have You No Sense of Fucking Decency?

A convicted felon is running for the presidency of the country I love, my home.
Have you no sense of decency, Joseph Ejercito “Erap” Estrada? Have you no. fucking. shame?
You are the second most corrupt president of the Republic of the Philippines, bested only by a tyrant who brought us from a position of power equal [...]

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Probably Should Skip This if You’re Fat (Like Me)

Disclaimer: I am in no way an Adonis in the traditional sense. I’m incredibly narcissistic, but that doesn’t mean I can qualify for Miss Universe. I’m fat, I’ve got imperfect skin, cellulite is a permanent fixture in my life, and all those beers are catching up to me. But…
I’m a work in progress. I go [...]

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Movie Review: Twilight Redux

Just because I get the most site hits (and hate mail) from my less-than-sterling review of the Twilight movie, I am posting this:

Yeah, I went there. And I’m not alone in that idea.
Sparkling fucking vampires.

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The Sanctity of What Now?

I don’t see any devout, church-going “Christians” getting all up in arms about this:

A real Las Vegas tradition. For the couple that wants to have some fun and tell their friends they got married at a “Drive Thru” wedding window in Las Vegas. Weather you come in your car, motorcycle, bicycle, or our Stretch Limousine [...]

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Conversations With (The Demi)God

 

 
 
Friday Afternoon: 
*ring ring
Stupid Lying Motherfucking Receptionist at Abe Restaurant (Serendra, The Fort): Good morning Abe Restaurant, how may I help you? 
(The Demi)God: Hi, I need to make a reservation for 6 people tonight at 7pm
Receptionist: Go ahead. 
(The Demi)God: Uhm… So… yeah, can I book a table for 6 people tonight at 7pm? 
Receptionist: Ok, you’ll be [...]

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Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Douchebag

Disclaimer: I’m not a parent. I haven’t the first clue about raising a child. This is just me being a smart-ass and mouthing off. 
Dear Douchebag Parents, 
What, exactly, qualifies as “Family Time” in your dictionary? Does it involve taking your child to a high-end restaurant-slash-bar at 11 at night and then loudly arguing in front of [...]

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Why?

On this especially gay episode of Things I Don’t Understand: 

The numbers:

18 years in service
$25 million dollars invested in training
trained 300 new air force weapons systems officers
30 awards and decorations
9 air medals
1 heroism award
2 years from full retirement with benefits

Fired for being gay. WHY???

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And More Dildos.

Politics is incredibly exhausting.  I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I have no patience for interpersonal drama in the workplace except when I put on a sequined gown and belt out an operatic song to let someone know they’ve been fired.
Let’s say, for example, that I am a vice president of a dildo-assembly [...]

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Fucking Pissed

This pisses the fucking shit out of me:
The implication by network news reporters on Saturday suggesting Travolta’s Scientology beliefs stood in the way of Jett’s parents properly seeking medical attention for their son’s condition  – what ever it may have been – is a new low in news coverage that seemed more bent on selling [...]

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Blurb Wars

My trainers have started an all-out blurb war on the office messenger service in protest of my resignation.

*sigh
You kids will be the death of me, I swear! If you only knew how much I love you guys.
And how much yayay you’re giving my heart for leaving. *sob
Your ma has given everything (s)he can. And you’re [...]

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Stomach Cramps

This literally made my stomach stop, quivver, and then roil like a torched maggot.
I hope the rest of America will either turn off the torch or liberate my stomach completely.

At least people are out there voting. Everywhere in the blogosphere I see posts from my favorite bloggers who have been standing in line after interminable [...]

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Really???

I love it when Seth and Amy do the whole ?!?Really?!? bit on SNL. 
And this would’ve been perfect fodder:

I’m an agnostic, not an atheist. Well, if anything I’m a pastafarian, as evidenced by the past few days’ events and being touched by his noodly appendage. 
I can understand the power of faith, and the calming effect [...]

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We Are All Connected by Prop 8

It’s a few days away from election, and for those of you that are in the US, or with the ability to vote in absencia, please let your voice be heard. If you are an expatriate and unaware that you can vote outside of the United States, please visit your embassy and find out how [...]

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FUCK YOU PROP 8

I tried to come up with something a little bit more eloquent for a post title but my eloquence jacket is still at the dry cleaners. Plus I was just overcome by sheer repulsion that I was almost physically ill from seeing the website of the people that want to “protect marriage”. In the interests [...]

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Patience: FAIL

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions” – Rainer Maria Rilke

When I first read Letters [...]

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No To Hate

Today I am shamelessly plagiarizing (with permission) from an AWESOME blogger over at Whiskey in my Sippy Cup.

I mean, seriously awesome. With a title like “Whiskey in my Sippy Cup“, how can it not be awesome? The title alone is enough to send my tics into overdrive: feel the eees blend into the consonants and [...]

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Open Letter to Grocery Idiots

Dear Motherfuckers,
When the fucking checkout line says “Express Lane, 12 Items Or Less Only”, for the love of allthatisgoodandholyintheworld don’t line up with a basketful of items and then stand there counting out exact change when the rest of the fucking line is ready to string you up by your eyeballs. 
If you had the mental [...]

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And Yet He Can’t Spell Arugula?

 

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Dumbing Down Debates

In perfect time for my birthday, this beautiful article rendered itself to a lovely alliteration. 
Once again, we witness resident idiot Senator John Fucking McCain try and sell resident congressmoron Sarah Fucking Palin to the American people. 
From The New York Times: 
 
At the insistence of the McCain campaign, the Oct. 2 debate between the Republican nominee for [...]

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