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Archive for May, 2009

 

 
 
Friday Afternoon: 
*ring ring
Stupid Lying Motherfucking Receptionist at Abe Restaurant (Serendra, The Fort): Good morning Abe Restaurant, how may I help you? 
(The Demi)God: Hi, I need to make a reservation for 6 people tonight at 7pm
Receptionist: Go ahead. 
(The Demi)God: Uhm… So… yeah, can I book a table for 6 people tonight at 7pm? 
Receptionist: Ok, you’ll be [...]

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It’s that time of month again, my internet lovelies. And no, I’m not talking about my period (which is about 15 years late, in my humble opinion). It’s TMI Thursdays! Join me as I humiliate the living shit out of myself in the interests of achieving Self-Actualization and world peace.
So gather round, children, bring your [...]

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If this works, it’ll be the hottest thing since my ass.
Srsly.
If it doesn’t, it’ll be baked. fucking. beans.
Word.

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Maxie over at IHateSoMuch has a regular feature called Would You Rather Wednesdays. They are deep, riveting, existential questions. I, of course, ripped off the theme. 
In the vein of Painful Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, where Robin Leach wishes you champagne wishes and caviar dreams, would you rather:  
Piss Diamonds
(Probably not very large ones, [...]

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 Amidst the ensuing turmoil when California decided to UPHOLD Proposition 8, I couldn’t help but just fall on my  knees and cry hard. 
 Today, in California, and in many other parts of the world, I am a second-class human being. 
 In Seattle, I would have a hard time finding a place to grab a beer without the [...]

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Eight Things

And of course, the first place my mind went to was 8 penises. But it’s really a meme I gratuitously stole from immoralmatriarch about
Eight Things I Like

Peter Pan Honey Roast Creamy Peanut Butter. I can’t believe I have to go anywhere beyond that description!
KFC 2-piece original recipe chicken with extra large gravy and a large [...]

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Disclaimer: I’m not a parent. I haven’t the first clue about raising a child. This is just me being a smart-ass and mouthing off. 
Dear Douchebag Parents, 
What, exactly, qualifies as “Family Time” in your dictionary? Does it involve taking your child to a high-end restaurant-slash-bar at 11 at night and then loudly arguing in front of [...]

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TMI Thursday is a regular feature on www.livitluvit.com. 
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it [...]

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So I’m over at Lilu today and I stumble upon Maxie who is a fracking riot and a half and she does this awesome bit (does that make her sound like a funny commedienne circa 1986?) called Would You Rather Wednesdays. 
(Sidebar, Lilu is also a fracking riot and two thirds and does this awesome bit [...]

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On this especially gay episode of Things I Don’t Understand: 

The numbers:

18 years in service
$25 million dollars invested in training
trained 300 new air force weapons systems officers
30 awards and decorations
9 air medals
1 heroism award
2 years from full retirement with benefits

Fired for being gay. WHY???

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So I’ve been offline for a teeny bit, sinking into a deep bog of emotional crises and transcendental questions like “what’s the point in all of this?”, or “is there really a Loch Ness monster”, or “what is the meaning of life?”
(To which I’ve discovered: 1. there isn’t one, really 2. Yes and 3. Forty [...]

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