Hobbits are NOT Terrorists

So the call says that the appointment has been set for Thursday morning at 9am, but be there an hour early. Five hours later, I was ready to scream bloody murder.
*** queue shiny, shimmering dissolve and plinky, plunky music***
The week before, I had gotten the worst dressing down of my life. You would think that [...]

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Weird Demigod Widgets – Random Edition

To the inexplicably hot dude who pulled up next to me at the intersection: I am not some kind of sick perv masturbating to the red light. I was lip-synching the last line of Michael Bolton’s “Go The Distance” as I imagined the thundering applause of a packed Carnegie Hall. I know it must’ve looked [...]

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The Four Horsemen Wear Heels

It’s taking the contractors about a month to get my freaking internet connection up and running. I’ve discovered that being online is a lot like a crack addiction:

You go through a life-changing experience (which in my world, can be anything from the loss of a testicle to seeing a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon, to stepping [...]

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Whoring vs. Masturbation

The internets is fun. Today I ran across a website from an old acquaintance dedicated solely to her upcoming wedding.
True, weddings are a joyous ocassion, and I’m not trying to be bitter or anything (of course by saying that out loud you can tell I kinda am), but seriously: a website? The invitation will suffice, thank [...]

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When Does Medicare Kick In?

While waiting for testicular updates from a very good bloggy friend (I know, you’d be surprised, seeing as SHE can’t possibly have any testicles, although she IS a ballsy mom), I’m going to attempt to explain what happened in the last four uppity weeks of pandemonium that is my life. It’s gonna be tough, but [...]

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