Random Snippets

Snippet 1:

World, meet Tag and Phoebe.

I recently brought them bling in the form of collars. Yes, the collars were meant for cats, but that’s nothing an awl and scissors can’t fix. You’ll notice that Tag’s got a dignified plaid collar, and Phoebe’s got a flowery collar with a bell.

Tag’s taken to laughing hysterically curiously amused by the sound of the bell around Phoebe’s neck. So what does he do?

He smacks her up the head to make the bell ring.

He’s sent to his corner a lot, where he chews on the plastic matting in their cage and then scampers off to smack Phoebe again.

He takes after Crackers is just being a brat.

Snippet 2:

They found wood in Mars.

Yup, wood.

Headlines from major news outlets: “Signs of Complex Life Found In Mars”

Headlines from major gay blogs: “Wood? I Heard It’s Gay”

Snippet 3:

At church today, the person leading offertory prayer was struggling with English as a second language and welcomed the “Prince of Piss” into our midst, and closed with a fervent wish for “Piss on Earth”. I was very tempted to make the sign of the crotch.

…

I’m thinking lots of fabric and color for my special place in hell.

Snippet 4:

Tomorrow I clean out my workspace and pack up nearly five years with SheleSheckh* and I’m terrified.

I’m facing a new chapter in the hilarously comic autobiography book that is my life. I’m jumping off the edge and I don’t know if there’s solid ground below, or hand to hold, or hell to pay…

What do you say to Taking Chances?**

Yes, I’m aware that’s a Celine Dion song. Bite me.

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*Names of corporations changed to protect the innocent

**Celine Dion, “Taking Chances” from album of same name, 2004, DioGuardi and Stewart (Music and Lyrics)